How To
by Amaya Darkness
Summary: An easy to follow guide to become a fangirl or boy of Batman.


Have you ever wondered if there was a fandom for you? One that you could simply just jump right into, but didn't know how to? Brought to you by No Nonsense Corporation, in collaboration with Pie Productions and What Part of 'Muahahaha' Don't You Understand Corporation, we bring you an easy-to-follow guide to becoming a full-fledged fangirl or boy of the great and wonderful _Batman_.

Step One: Make sure you at least know what _Batman_ is, first. To do this, all you need to do is watch a couple episodes of any _Batman_ cartoon. You don't necessarily need to know anything about the characters or the plot line or even how Bruce Wayne became Batman. All you really need to know is that Batman is a man who dresses in black, or blue, if you're going by the 60's version, and that he "flies" around at night. Do not dwell on the Batman, for he is great and you are simply not ready to obtain his greatness.

Step Two: Next, wait a couple years (all the while not dwelling on the Great Batman). Right about this time, there should be a new _Batman_ movie coming out. How do we know this? "Because there's always another _Batman_ movie coming out" (quote from W.P.M.D.Y.U Corp.'s director). In 2011, there will be another movie coming out. But if that's too far away for you, go find _The Dark Knight_, the most current movie, and watch it. You are now ready for Step Three.

Step Three: See the new movie three to five times in the movie theater. Make sure you have new people every time, so you have more and more people to talk with about _Batman_. Make sure you pay extreme attention to even the slightest detail, for example, noting Commissioner Gordon's mustache, Batman's scruff-sounding voice to hide his identity, and the way the villains go about their evil schemes. Now, seeing as we've only seen _The Dark Knight_, as it is not 2011 yet, we will name a few things that one should notice in said movie when watching. No Nonsense Corp.'s director had this to say, "The first time I watched _The Dark Knight_, I distinctly paid close attention to The Joker's (portrayed by Heath Ledger) laugh and his twitches. He was the focus of my attention the whole time. The second time, I watched Batman and Bruce Wayne (portrayed by Christian Bale) more closely. I still laugh at how Bruce is such the womanizer while Batman is totally NOT. The third time, Gordon (portrayed by Gary Oldman) and finite details (such as Joker in the police-cop uniform) commanded my attention."

Step Four: Now that you've seen the newest movie (or _The Dark Knight)_, you are now ready to watch several other movies. We suggest, if you're coming from _The Dark Knight_, to watch _Batman Begins_ and then to _Batman Forever_ and _Batman_ (with Jack Nicholson), and so on. After this, your life should now be taken up with everything related to _Batman_. Congratulations, you are now ready to embrace Batman's greatness.

Step Five: Now, vote for Penguin. Do not vote for Batman. Vote for Penguin. Why? Because in both the series _Batman_ (1966) and _Batman Returns_ (1992), this deformed man runs for mayor. However, only in the series does Batman run against Penguin for the spot in the government, while Michael Keaton's Batman remains off-screen for a good 80% of the movie.

Step Six: And then, believe in Harvey Dent. Why? "Because once you embrace Batman's greatness, believing in Harvey Dent just comes with the territory," says W.P.M.D.Y.U Corp.'s director. "It comes naturally; we have no other way of explaining it," No Nonsense Corp.'s director added.

Step Seven: Now that you've embraced Batman's greatness and have voted for Penguin, you are officially allowed to make inside jokes with other _Batman_ fans. By this, of course, we mean that you can take any word from the English language and somehow, someway, relate it to _Batman_. For example, Pie Production's and No Nonsense's directors have taken the word "milkshakes" and related it to Penguin. Please do not ask us how milkshakes have anything to do with Penguin. They don't, but we refuse to explain. Next, No Nonsense's, Jesus Brownies Inc.'s, and Really Cheesy Nachos Inc.'s directors have come up with the saying, "I believe in Harvey Dent's explosion." We've come up with this saying because we were all writing a combined story (called a RolePlay) that was about several _Batman _characters in high-school. One such character that was named was Harvey Dent (Two-Face); he was in class, Chemistry class to be exact, and he was mixing random colourful chemicals, which then proceeded to blow up in his face. Thus, "I believe in Harvey Dent's explosion." There are some sample inside jokes that we have come up with, we look forward to seeing yours around the internet.

Step Eight: Once you have reached this level, you can now call yourself obsessed with the wonderful and great world that is known as _Batman_. And once you've admitted that, like us, you will (with no exceptions) connect anything and everything to _Batman_. And now, when given an assignment in any class, related it to _Batman_. Even Chemistry. We've done it. Trust us. It. Is. Possible.

Step Nine: As said in Step Four, we told you that you are ready to embrace Batman's greatness. We were not lying. Now, we will tell you of the Mighty Blue Batman (portrayed by Adam West). This rare specimen lived many years ago from 1966 to 1968, and birthed two wonderful movies (_Batman The Movie_ [1966] and _Return To The Batcave The Misadventures Of Adam And Burt _[2003]). The Mighty Blue Batman also had a partner named Whining Robin, but we won't go into detail on him. Though the Mighty Blue Batman is hysterically simple-minded and a horrible angst Batman, he's still the greatest Batman of all time. But alas, there are few who can watch the Mighty Blue Batman and understand exactly what this man brought to the world of fandom. He is our God. He will become yours, too. Trust us. (This step may be acquired anytime between Step Four and Step Eight.)

Step Ten: This is the step that all the productions, corporations, and incorporations have just accomplished. This step is very hard to reach, and only those who are determined can reach this part. Once you've reached and have done this step, you can now call yourself a fanatic. Yes, No Nonsense's director has realized that she repeats many of the same phrases, leave her alone. Anyway, this is what you must complete in order to become a _Batman_ fanatic: make a _Batman _religion. The only thing that is required is that the Mighty Blue Batman (aka, Adam West's Batman) is your mighty God that rules over all the other deities in your _Batman_ religion. Ours is called The Church of The Mighty Blue Batman; you are free to join us. We like new members. Yes, yes, we do.

_Batman_ Copyright © May 1939-2009 DC Comics. _Batman_ belongs to them. Not us. Not you. Not the little green aliens that you think abducted you last night. That was us. Not them. Us. Do not confuse that previous statement with the one that states that _Batman_ is not ours. The Mighty One in Black or Blue belongs to DC Comics.

* * *

All the fake production names are my friends and myself. _Batman_ does not belong to any of us. _Batman_ belongs to DC Comics (as said in the Copyright).

This was my final for my English class. Needless to say, I had a blast writing this. XD But do remember that this was made for "ha ha"s and written how _I _personally became a fangirl of _Batman_. With some help from my friends, I never ran out of inspiration. We all enjoyed it, I do hope you do, as well. :3


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